So many things pop-up in my mind recently..

Family..

Friends..

Death..

Loss..

What i should do when i loss my grandmother 1 day,

just like my mommy??

No...

So i MUST do a lot of things for you now

before its too late,

do everything that i will do for mommy.

I will do whatever my mommy should do

n wish to do for you,

if she is still alive.

That is my biggest wish

How i can stop from lossing my friends

one by one

after graduation?

after evryone enter different universities

at different corners of the earth?

Cann't..

Where i can start to get enough of family's love?

sometimes i feel that i am a poor girl,

mother passed away

father almost ignored me

i am just like anak piatu..

i did everything independently

and he just care about his new girlfriend and shen zhuo..

so,

at the end,

i even cannot call him 'dad'..

because i haven't say this word for years..

its not as easy as the drama on TV

well,

what can i say is

You miss out my life

You miss out the time when i need you most

when i firstly saman by the police

when i firstly go to the court

when i firstly take motor licence

You miss out my every 'first'

Its too late now..

Mommy

If you are still alive,

you can feel proud of your daughter,

see her enter university,

feel how she treat you well.

That is what you wish for long time,isn't it?

If you are still alive,

your daughter will have a complete family,

your daughter can get enough love..

We can discuss gossip together.

we can shopping together,

we can share evrything

EVERYTHING!

But all is just 'If '

i had dream last time,

that you still alive,

live with us..

How good if that is real..

How good if grandma won't leave me..